Witchery (1988,
aka La casa 4,
Witchcraft; dir:
Fabrizio Laurenti (as
Martin Newlin); cast:
Linda Blair, David Hasselhoff, Leslie Cumming, Catherine
Hickland, Annie Ross, Hildegard Knef, Kara Lynch)
I
sometimes wonder if the hacks who write copy for DVD companies
actually watch the films. Here's the Plot Synopsis for the
Witchery DVD, as quoted by Amazon:
"A pregnant woman is taken back to the house of her husband's
mother."
NOT! Linda Blair is pregnant, but she's entirely unconnected to
the house. And her stepmother just now bought the house as an
investment. So Blair is not "taken back" anywhere; she
was never there to begin with.
"There she begins to have strange nightmare about her child
and step-family."
NO, she doesn't. She falls through a portal in the bathtub and
sees a baby being tortured. Only Leslie Cumming's character has a
nightmare, and that concerns being raped by a demon.
"For the husband and mother are actually reincarnated lovers who
were burned at the stake for practicing witchcraft."
NOT! No reincarnation in this film. A present day couple are
killed, but they're not related to Blair's character. And only the
man (he's single, not anyone's husband) is burned; on a cross,
not a stake. Nor is the witch (who is haunting the island)
burned at the stake; she jumped from a window to avoid being
burned at the stake.
"She must soon escape from their clutches or have her child
sacrificed to Satan."
It would be more accurate to say that the witch wants the souls of
the island's visitors (no child sacrifice), so that she may live again.
In the Product Description, it says: "Gary (David Hasselhoff)
and his gal pal Linda (Catherine Hickland) visit an island off the
coast of Massachusetts where a haunted resort hotel looms to do
research on witchcraft."
NOT! Hasselhoff's gal pal is played by Leslie Cumming. Hickland
plays the Bad Girl/architect.
That said, this is a gem of a horror film. Eight people trapped on
an island, whereupon the witch haunting it starts killing them,
using their own Greed and Lust against them (kind of like how the
seven deadly sins dispatched people in the Euro-horror film,
The Devil's Nightmare.)
Several of the people fall through portals and die grisly deaths
in a medieval setting.
Some interesting notes:
* This is a rare horror film in that there are two "good
girls," the virgin Leslie Cumming, and the pregnant Linda Blair.
Although this is not a slasher film, even so, with two Good Girls,
horror fans are left in suspense as to who will be the
last to survive.
* This film has perhaps the worst day-for-night scenes I've ever
seen. Some scenes are shot in pitch black darkness, other scenes
are shot at dawn or dusk, still others with daylight pouring
through the windows -- yet all these scenes are supposed to occur
at night. We cut back and forth between these scenes, the "night
time" lighting changing radically from shot to shot. At one point,
people rush into the house from a pitch black night outside, then
Cumming points to a bright window saying, "Look, it's no
longer broken!" And we're not supposed to notice how bright
it suddenly is outside!
* The boy has a
Sesame Street tape recorder, and another character reads
The Godfather. Yet neither
Sesame Street nor
The Godfather's publisher is listed in the film credits. This
is refreshing, albeit rare, because Hollywood studios are so
paranoid about being sued that any item caught in a shot gets
credited.
Ghost Dog credited Tor Books because that film showed a cover
of the Tor edition of Frankenstein (a public domain work).
The Caveman's Valentine credited the Chrysler Building for
depicting the building, which is apparently a registered
trademark.
Witchery has some cute actresses, grisly deaths (especially
the chimney death -- look for it!), and spooky atmosphere. The
film is a bit confusing and nonsensical (such as the link between
the witch and the Norma Desmond like actress), but it's highly
entertaining. Hard-core horror fans should love it.
"Communist Vampires" and "CommunistVampires.com" trademarks are currently unregistered, but pending registration upon need for protection against improper use. The idea of marketing these terms as a commodity is a protected idea under the Lanham Act. 15 U.S.C. s 1114(1) (1994) (defining a trademark infringement claim when the plaintiff has a registered mark); 15 U.S.C. s 1125(a) (1994) (defining an action for unfair competition in the context of trademark infringement when the plaintiff holds an unregistered mark).font>
I
sometimes wonder if the hacks who write copy for DVD companies
actually watch the films. Here's the Plot Synopsis for the