Crazy Eights (2006, dir:
Jimi Jones, as James Koya
Jones; cast:
Dina Meyer, George Newbern, Traci Lords, Dan de Luca, Frank
Whaley, Gabrielle Anwar)
Crazy
Eights opens with some explanatory notes; something about
medical experiments on children. I'm guessing these notes were
added during post-production as an afterthought because the film
is so confusing.
Without those notes, we would have no idea
what's going on. With the notes, we can try to fill in some of
the many blanks, so that the story sort of makes sense.
Although even
with the notes, I remained largely confused.
We begin with several people who gather at the home of a man who
recently died. Who was this man? How are all these people related? Maybe I
missed it, but the film doesn't explain.
But thanks to the helpful explanatory notes during the film's
opening credits, I'm guessing it all has to do with
those medical experiments on children.
It seems this dead guy left his estate to these people. Are these
people related? Friends? I don't know. I can't be sure from their
conversation. They sort of seem to know each other, though not very well.
They certainly don't like one another.
These people go to another house, in search of clues. They are as
mystified by events as are we, the audience.
The second house looks like a normal house on the outside, albeit
really decrepit. It is, in fact, condemned to be demolished. But
on the inside, the house looks like a big, concrete,
institutional building. That sort of makes sense, because, we learn, this
house is an abandoned hospital.
The problem is, the house looks like a normal, wood frame,
residential house on the outside. And like a big, concrete and
cinder block, hospital on the inside. So I'm guessing the
filmmaker used different buildings for the exterior and interior
shots, hoping that the audience wouldn't notice. Certainly,
the characters don't notice. Granted, many horror film characters
are really stupid, and these characters are confused as well as
stupid.
The characters are also unpleasant. Like many badly written
scripts, the writer tries to create "drama" by having the
characters argue. Even if that means arguing over nothing, and
for no good reason.
Anyway, the hospital is haunted, or cursed, or whatever. And the
characters start getting killed in brutal fashion. Sometimes we
even got to see it. Sometimes it happens off camera, and we only
hear their screams. (Saves on the budget, I suppose.)
And then, after a bunch of people get killed, the film ends.
If you're buying this film because it features former porn actress
Traci Lords, well, she doesn't show any skin. Just know that up
front.
The DVD cover features the usual ripoff image of a ghost girl
whose face is obscured by long, stringy black hair. Yes,
The Ring
and
The Grudge
were great films, but c'mon.
Crazy
Eights is no
Ring or
Grudge. It's not even as good as some of the lesser ripoffs. And I
don't remember the ghost girl on the DVD cover having much
onscreen time in
Crazy
Eights.
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