Alien Reign of Man

Film review by Thomas M. Sipos

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Alien Reign of Man  (2017, dir: Justin Price; cast: Khu, Torrei Hart, Deanna Grace Congo, Stacey Moreno, Dianna Renée, Cameron White)

 

 

 

 

 

Alien Reign of Man is truly one of the worst films ever made, right down there with Frankenstein Island, Ax 'Em, and Zombie Rampage.

This film is not slow paced. It's static. There is no pace. Nothing happens. Mostly it's bad actors standing around mouthing embarrassing dialog.

There's this Asian woman astronaut on an alien planet's surface. She's stalked by an alien, which looks monstrous. But then they fight, and she kicks its ass, bare-handed, before finally shooting it. Hey, if a lady astronaut can beat up an alien, with her bare hands, then that alien isn't so scary.

That's the most exciting event in this film's first 50 minutes. I stopped watching after 50 minutes, because so far nothing had happened. Just lots of talk.

There were also these two astronauts, a guy and a girl, walking around the on planet's surface. The guy overacts to the point of hysteria. The girl tries to act tough. At one point, rocks collect by themselves into giant balls, and float around. The girl smiles and playfully pokes at one of the floating rocks.

Why the floating rocks? She explains that the planet is adapting to their presence, adding, "Nitrogen is being converted into oxygen."

Huh? You mean the atmosphere is nitrogen? Then why are they not wearing helmets? How is it that they breathe nitrogen?

Then an asteroid crashes nearby, stirring up huge dust clouds, so the guy and the girl have to run away.

Meanwhile, back on the spaceship, some black woman chews out this Asian woman. I don't know if it's the same Asian as was down on the planet and we're seeing a flashback. She's wearing heavy "futuristic" facial makeup. The black woman has a disease called Terminus. The Asian is immune. That's why she was removed from her family at an early age, and trained to serve The Order. She resents this.

 



The Order is the group behind this space mission, which is apparently about finding a cure for Terminus. We know all this because these two women talk a lot. Actually, most scenes have long, boring dialogs between people.

The black woman threatens the Asian should she fail in her mission.

Later, the black woman talks to a blond woman. Both women have sergeant stripes on their arms, though they act like high ranking leaders. The blond woman holds a glowing rock in her bare hands. She stares at it, calling it a meteor fragment, and going on about how it is "data" that has traveled "billions of years, millennia after millennia" to bring its knowledge to us. (I think she's trying to channel Carl Sagan.) The meteor might have been sent by aliens. The blonde talks about history, and philosophers and zealots, all the while staring at this glowing meteor fragment in her bare hands.

 

 

Meanwhile, these two other astronauts, a black guy and a white woman, are ... somewhere. Lots of machinery around them. Are they on the planet's surface or in the spaceship? I think on the planet. And I think the white woman was in a deadly fight with aliens. (Which we didn't get to see.) These two astronauts talk a great deal about nothing much. Stuff about their mission and such. The woman expresses alarm and fear. The guy orders the woman to "do what you were trained for." He threatens her. She assures him that she'll do her part of the mission.

Meanwhile, back on the planet, the Asian woman is skulking around, avoiding aliens. She has a flashback -- I think it's a flashback -- about how tough life was back on Earth. I think that's what her flashback was about.

Meanwhile, the other two astronauts have successfully escaped the huge dust clouds. So now they're walking about. The man gets hysterical. Something about the futility of their mission. The woman calls him a coward, and orders him to do his job.

So that's the first 50 minutes of an 84 minute film. Just people walking around, talking nonsense, getting mad or hysterical in a vain attempt to inject some drama into the non-proceedings.

The alien and spaceship CGI looks very 1990s. Very New Outer Limits.

The spacesuits are ridiculous. One reviewer mentioned the coconut breast plates on one of the woman astronauts.

The sound is awful. At first I thought one of the actors just wasn't speaking up. Then I realized that many of the actors weren't speaking up. However, as it's mostly junk science gobbledegook, you don't really need to hear it.

 

   

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